This was a curious idea to me. Imagine having a choice over the life that you are in. That if this could be true then you pre-chose your parents, the experience of your youth, the pain that would come upon you and the scenarios that you might overcome. You chose the joys and sarrows, and even the physical body that you would become part of during this experience of living in order to grow in a specific way.
I first heard this message when I was pregnant. I could not help but apply it to my daughter who was being woven together inside me. Did she choose me and all the things that would happen to her because she was born of me? And did I choose my life because I also knew at some point I would become her mother? What do we have to teach one another?
I don't know if it is my wild imagination or an acute inuition, but I began to sense that I was getting to know this Spirit growing inside me during the months of my pregnancy. I can't say that this was a truly vivid and detailed sensation, but the whole time I was pregnant, I had this overwhelming need to tell my daughter she would be safe with me.
I wanted her to trust that I would take care of her, love her and provide everything I could for her needs. I just needed her to know that because I just had a feeling she needed to hear it.
Even while I was in labor, it was like she was hesitant about beginning life here. There was a long pause right as she began to crown like she had changed her mind and would rather stay inside. When she came forth, it took her many, many seconds to take a breath. When she was handed to me, I held her to my chest and stared at her tiny form screaming in my arms. All I could think to say to her was simply, "You are safe. You are safe. You are safe."
I watched a Memoriam today for the victims of the Pulse shooting in Orlando. I needed to hear their names and learn something of their lives; taken too soon. Could they have chosen this journey long ago when their spirits were just twinkles in the universe? Is there something so big going on here that I could not ever chance to fathom such lessons dedicated to each soul on this planet? I hope so and sometimes I believe that there is.
But for now, my heart aches more presently for the mother's who held their babies in their arms and uttered words to them of assurance that they will be safe here. Babies who are now shot dead in a nightclub because they were men who loved men.
Staring into the eyes of my daughter I feel convicted that she must know that she will be safe. That I would give my very life in a flash to make sure that she could choose an existence on this planet where she felt safe to love and grow and become the woman she is destined to be. However, I watch these newsreels and hear the cries of so many people, feeling my own eyes widen to the reality that I cannot offer her this any more than those mothers could of the men and women who were shot on Sunday. I cannot keep her safe in a world where so many people are strung out on hate and fear. I cannot keep her safe from the righteous ones who take action without love.
|photo by Katherine Roehrig|
I don't know if our Spirit's chose the lives we are living in now, but I do believe we are all living with a calling placed upon them. We have been given gifts that we are meant to share and in sharing, we will help to enable the Oneness and unity that was created for this world.
In a world full of so many beliefs, so many "knowings" it makes it even harder to imagine that we could all come to experience the gift of true Oneness created by love. But the minute I doubt that this is possible is the minute I have to take back what I promised my daughter at birth and I will not do that.
I will not stop working towards a world where my daughter will be safe. Where men and women can live, grow and thrive without feeling the pangs and sorrows delivered in hate. There have been too many people who have died for this cause and we cannot back away in fear. There are many things to do. There is much to transform and oversee and make new. We need leadership desperately. We need reform in so many ways. There are big items on the to-do list of what will make this country safe. But for those of you who are like me and wonder what you can do right now, I say this- figure out what your purpose is and share your gifts. If we could all do this then I believe that much of this reform would be set into motion quite naturally.
It starts with you and me. Don't stand frozen in fear and grief...get to work. Whether you believe your Spirit chose this place and time, this life right now, or not, you cannot deny that there is something to be done and we all have the power to create incredible change. You don't have to do it for my child, or your child, or for the children who were lost on Sunday. Do it for you, the child that you are, who believed your mother when she said, "You are safe here".