I visited an old friend who purchased a painting yesterday. Sitting in her living room, I was talking about my journey starting Waked Up Studio and how I have been in a practice of letting God lead for months now (even when it is really hard to do that). I was retelling the piece of my last blog post where I imagined myself walking through the woods with a flashlight at night when my friend stopped me.
She told me that the longer she is alive the more she realizes that God is most interested in the mustard-seed-moments. The part of life that is transformative and that matters, TRULY matters, is literally the moment at hand. The small gestures within that moment become the big answers to prayer. She believes God works moment to moment but often, we get lost in moments that aren't even happening which is ultimately our downfall.
I know this is true. I have experienced the wholeness and fulfillment of being present to the simple, fully provided for moments the Spirit has led me into. I have also felt the fear and discontent of the moments I have rushed myself into or dreaded. Does God prefer the mustard seed moments? It seems that way.
I immediately got to test out this life practice only minutes later when I left her house. I was not five minutes down the road when my 4-month-old began to squall (she had done so well all day, but her morning of shots were beginning to wear on her). Just as she began to cry, large black clouds rolled in and traffic began to build on the very busy main stretch of road I was traveling on. Then, my car began to shutter harder and harder. Moments later, I was parked in a Jimmy Johns, waiting on Joel to come rescue us because our AAA was out of date.
It was all too much really. I couldn't even let myself think about everything that is going on because my mind would start to race to all the big-ticket, epic life things we have on our plates right now and it would just consume me.
So instead, I grabbed Noelle, all the stuff that comes with an infant, my purse, and my phone. We stepped into the Jimmy Johns to wait out the rain and wait for Joel and I paused.
A deep breath just found me and I walked up to the counter and ordered a sandwich. For the next 30 minutes, I fed myself and Noelle and thought about nothing. I watched the clouds rolling in and watched my baby fall asleep. When Joel arrived he was calm and soaked. He swapped out the car seat and told me to follow him home. We drove slowly back to Charlotte hoping the car would make it. The lights changed just in time the whole way. The traffic was strangely minimal for the 5 o'clock hour.
Arriving home, we unloaded the cars and quietly fixed ourselves a bourbon drink each and spent the rest of the evening sitting on the porch playing and talking with our baby. My mom showed up with dinner and we had two gifts arrive for us in the mail. Noelle laughed and cooed, and so did we.
This is not how we typically handle stress. In times past, this car trouble would have filled me with anxiety and would have enraged Joel. We would have been short with each other, frustrated and exhausted by another thing being added to the to-do list, exasperated by another ball dropped in an already complicated season.
These feelings are there still, but we chose to be in the moment last night. We didn't talk about it, we were just led into it. At one point, Joel made a comment on how many gifts we received just since we arrived home. It was true. I went to bed feeling blessed and full with only a small nagging that there will be needs tomorrow and chores to accomplish. But the voice seemed to sing me a lullaby reminding me that those things would be the work of tomorrow, not the worrying of right now.
God works in the mustard seed moments. The RIGHT NOW moments. The present moment. This is where love is. This is where the Source allows us to tap into the fullness of all life. There can be steadfast joy even in a season of frustrating delays and burdens. We continue to work hard. We have to remain focused and dutiful but what I have realized in this season is that we can still be joyful people, blessed people, and faithful people.