|This is one of my goddesses in a series of three- Heart|
I remember that feeling well. I felt like I wasn't spiritual enough or that something was wrong with me. I can tell you that no instructor or course was able to help me into this space. It ended up being an accumulation of experiences that opened my eyes to the tools I already possessed which would allow me to eventually meditate. I believe that meditation is a personal practice that comes to each one of us a little differently. You have to discover how you were made to do it. Being intentional on the journey will provide you lots of little guiding arrows that will lead you to your own meditative practice. Knowing that, this post may or may not become one of your arrows. However it shakes out, this is what I have discovered that has allowed me to practice meditation today.
1. Decide what the goal of Meditation is for you.
I have realized that, for me, meditation is allowing myself into a sacred space in my mind/heart where I am at one with the Divine. I believe that the Divine is in me. I want to be present only to that. Not my to-do list. Not my agenda. Just the Holy.
2. Make the gesture.
In my experience, I need to make a physical and mental gesture signaling that I am creating intentional space for the Holy, otherwise my brain will not ever be open to it and turn off the distractions. I often will find a comfy place to sit, in the quiet, and will close my eyes and take even deep breaths. Then I will talk to the Divine in me like this, I will say: "Thank you for all that you do for me. Please forgive me for ignoring you and making you carry my burdens. I am sorry that I do this to you. I really do love you and I am trying to do better." For me, the Divine is living within the cells of my being and it is important to Thank her and ask for forgiveness for the ways that I hurt her and mistreat her, and assure her of my love. Then I am just quiet and I wait.
I listen by trying to clear my head and be present to the image of the Divine living within me. I do this by closing my eyes and focusing on the insides of my eyelids. If I look at the backs of my eyelids long enough then I will start to see bright colors billowing across my eyes like clouds. Then usually, from the center, I will see a golden light start to emerge. Sometimes it is even purple. I have always sensed this is the Holy and I will wait. As I focus on these moving colorful lights, things will begin to well up in me. Sometimes it is a song, sometimes it is a memory, it could even be a word or phrase or well known story. When this happens, I don't treat it as a distraction. I allow it to speak to me of something I need to become aware of. I believe the Spirit speaks through things we already know and hold dear. Sometimes, in my head (not out loud), I will ask for the Divine to show me what I need to glean from this memory, song or word, and then I will wait for a little while longer (still staring at the backs of my eyelids). The words will come in time. Sometimes it is very clear and sometimes it is simply a feeling. If you allow these thoughts to be sacred to you then they will speak. If you doubt them, nothing will come of it. If they come to you and your mind wanders, then it could be a distraction so just refocus on your eyelids and the colors.
4. Say Thank You
When it is time to return to reality, this is the moment to thank Great Spirit for the gift of this meditative time. Hold on to the revelations, the thoughts, words, or emotions that have come to you because they will continue to teach you if you let them. You might even notice the synchronicity that occurs once you are aware of them.
Meditation is a practice. This means you have to keep doing it, trying again and again. It isn't about being perfect or being a master, its about the practice. I believe the Divine blesses even our most feeble attempts so don't give up. Pay attention to the gestures and spaces that give you a sense of the sacred and hold on to those things. They might just be your guiding arrows...