Friday, March 13, 2015

Making ourselves Sick

It all started with a late night conversation. It was after midnight, Joel and I were lying in the dark going round and round about why there is illness in the world. We were originally discussing alternative medicine when the conversation kept coming back to one rather disturbing (and liberating) idea:

Do we make ourselves sick?

We pondered that idea late into the night, recalling times we were very ill. We asked each other how that sickness benefited us in some way. Obviously, being sick sucks and no one likes being sick, but could we honestly describe how that time of sickness may have served us? We were finding that we could and I became convinced that we make ourselves sick.

Months later, I joined my mom for a Sacred Women's Circle at her Yoga studio. We had no idea what it would be like, but we heard that a medical intuitive was leading the session so we were intrigued.

It turns out that we stepped into a workshop on "Tapping". Tapping is a a technique that uses Chinese Acupuncture and modern psychology to break up blocked energy in your chakras. It is suggested that this blocked energy directly correlates to illness and body pain. (Be sure to click the link above to read about tapping and see a demonstration if you would like to learn more.) Before any tapping began, Nicole (our intuitive) shared her wisdom. 

She explained that in order for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to work, you first have to understand why it will work. She told us that every atom in the universe has God's-self in it and they are all connected. Likewise, every single cell in our bodies has God's-self in them. Our cells carry memory and most importantly, they carry emotional memory. She suggested that our bodies carry all of our emotional burdens by storing memories that are too tough to think about so that our minds can keep on moving forward and "living". 

All of the blocked emotions, the forgotten experiences, the things we push out of our waking memory, are carefully stored in our cells and reside in our organs, muscles, and in our very bones. She said that all the aches and pains, the disease and sores, that we experience in our bodies are linked intimately to an emotional memory stored there. Her psychic gift gives her the ability to see where emotional energy is being blocked so that she can help people connect to the memories that are stored there. Her aim is to help people unblock that energy so that they can return to a healthy state of flow

Nicole, knows that she can help individuals all day long, but she believes that it is more important to teach individuals how to tap into their own bodies so they can work on healing themselves. She taught us how to talk to our bodies so that we could learn, grow and become healed without the help of a medium. 

She asked us to consider our bodies as an inner-goddess. She also said that some people see their goddess as their inner child. However you envision your body, what you are doing is connecting to the God-self within you. I have always thought of my spirit as my heart or a voice in my gut, but as I performed the exercises with the circle, I realized that the voice rising up out of my body was the voice I have long recognized as the Holy Spirit. It hit me, my body is the house of the Spirit. My body IS the Temple of God's-self inside me. I have been thinking of my body as a worldly human suit, a shell that I had to wear in this life with a spiritual "me" living inside of it. Now, I wonder if I have it inside out? 

Nicole reminded us all of how we hurt and betray our bodies. We scold ourselves, cruelly crush our own dreams, our delights, our desires. We force our bodies to hold heavy burdens and we don't even say "thank you". Sometimes we even inflict pain on our bodies by starving ourselves on diets, cutting ourselves, forcing our bodies to become something they were never designed to be. We are mean to our bodies in this culture. I ignore mine. I don't exercise it, listen to it, give it purpose. I knew my goddess might not have any interest in talking to me. Nicole said, in order to form a relationship with our goddess we have to give her a reason to trust that we truly want to know her and listen to her. She said that the path to healing and restoration with our bodies begins with these 4 lines:

I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
I love you.
Thank you.

Once we have established a healthy platform for forming a relationship with our body (god-self, goddess, Holy Spirit, inner child) then we are able to begin to listen and ultimately, to heal. In order to receive the messages from our bodies, we have to do these two things:

Receive them without judgement or criticism.
Do not rationalize them away.

Nicole said that the universe and all the God-atoms in it, align to create what we desire. The less intentional we are with how that desire is met the more the results might look like illness. God wants to give us what we long for and it is right there in front of us, but we don't allow ourselves to accept it.

This got me thinking about an upper respiratory infection I had in the fall. I deeply desired to stay home because I could not stand keeping the secret of my resignation at work. I felt so false and had such a hard time getting my work done. It didn't take too long after that feeling set in for my cough to develop and next thing I know, I had three sick days keeping me home to finish my work in private. What if I just took a couple days off? Would I have gotten so sick if I had just given myself permission to take that time? I had the time but I felt guilty taking it. The gift was right in front of me and I did not accept it. Did my God-self cells call out to their brothers and sisters in the universe to give me what I needed the only way I would accept it- through illness? If I believe this to be true, then I have to also consider that the Universe would have aligned to give me what I needed in wellness too. This is what Nicole wanted us to know. When we do not face our emotional burdens and allow our bodies to release them we create illness. When we do not live into our desires, those desires will come to us the only ways we will accept them. 

St. Ignatious believes that God enters our hearts through our deepest desires and it is through our deepest desires that we become unified with God. Is he describing the same phenomenon?  Are we the ones keeping ourselves from our heart's desires? Is this making us sick? Can you imagine what your health might be like if you gave your body what it is asking for in the first place? Can we trust that God-self is working for the good if we just accept the blessing? Or must we continue to make ourselves sick in order to get what we desire?

Take a moment and consider a time when you were really ill, or maybe you are ill now. If you can do it, and I know that this is a hard thing to do, imagine how this sickness is serving you? How is this illness giving you something you deeply desire? 

Then, imagine what it might be like if you simply allowed yourself to have what you deeply desire. 

Do we have the capacity to make ourselves sick? If so, then we also have the capacity to make ourselves well. 

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