February is Sex Month in my world and it really doesn’t have
anything to do with Valentine’s Day. It just so happens that I work at a church
that promotes open conversations about sexuality in the safety of our
sanctuary. I work with a small team of adults who lead a workshop called
“Faith and Sexuality” for 5th graders. Then I lead a workshop with
our 8th graders for the next piece of that Faith and Sexuality
puzzle which is about attachment and the emotions of sex.
It is a lot of fun, actually. It has its perks if you get a
mad kick out of horrifying unsuspecting kids. I'm just kidding...well, sort of. Although, I have to admit that
I’ve probably made the whole experience too comfortable lately because the youth have
been really open and seem less and less shocked by anything I tell
them about sexuality.
5th grade is simple. The kids gather and we make
sure they understand that God made them and he doesn’t make mistakes. We start
in scripture to remind them that first and foremost they are His beloved
children. Then we remind them that the changes they are starting to notice in
their bodies are also part of an intentional plan. From there we make sure they
get the difference between gender and sex. Then we break out into really
comical small group situations where we basically get to explain everything
that happens to boys and girls during puberty. Then we all come together for
the climax of the experience where I get to tell them where babies come from.
You will be amazed by how many kids hear this for the first time in our
workshop.
It pretty much goes like this:
“Penis goes into the Vagina.”
Shock, horror, and occasional nods from the boys who reckon
this makes sense.
Then there is the question from a girl “Do we HAVE to do
that?” and my answer, “Nope.”
Then the next shock…
“My parents did that.”
Shock, horror, mild disgust; staring into space.
The next realization sometimes takes a few days to sink in. For
some it happens in moments and for others it could be weeks but when it happens
everyone knows.
“My parents have had sex more than three times!”
Yep. Sex feels good and people do it because they want to.
That is a hard one to wrap a 10 yr old brain around.
We are starting at basics here and it is pretty amazing to
be part of that experience. To have the opportunity to usher youth into their
sexuality within the open and loving arms of the church is a gift. A gift! It
is wonderful to look at a kid and say “I want you to know this information
because the more you understand the better you will do at living into God’s
plan for you life.” One of the key themes for the workshop is “When it comes to
sex say know.”
We certainly encourage youth to wait until they are in a
covenantal relationship before they experience the joys of sexuality, but it is
wonderful to refrain from joining in the system of guilt and shame that the church has
presented for centuries. I am glad to be a little part of making that go away.
By 8th grade it is a different experience. I
don’t need to cover all the things they have heard from 5th grade or
all the lessons they have learned in health class. They know the risks now,
they have seen the STD pictures and they know they are not ready to become parents. They really don’t want to relive the moments
when their health teachers handed out condoms right after they said "if you have sex you’ll die.” The contradictions of those health lessons just feed the frenzy of
hormones confusing thoughts and emotions of the ill-equipped 8th grader.
We don’t talk about that stuff. We talk about the physiology
of sex. The systems of creation that God designed so perfectly and invests into
intimately to this day. We discuss how they all have meaning and purpose. That even
the systems of our bodies and relationships connect us mind, body and soul to
our Lord and the experience of his Love. We talk about attachment and how an
orgasm literally releases hormones that tell you to nest. How even if you want sexual encounters to be casual it takes a lot of denial to keep them that way. It is a good
conversation and each year the youth seem more and more comfortable and
grateful to have it.
Another cool thing happens at Faith and Sex, every year I
have parents and leaders tell me they learned something new and walked away
with a whole new appreciation for the incredible gift of sex. I can’t tell
which I love to hear more- youth living into a countercultural foundation about
sexuality or adults walking away with a tidbit that might improve their
experiences with sex. Either way, God is good and I am honored to just have a
small part in it.
