Monday, April 29, 2013

Quickie: a moment for sex

On the picnic blanket: Discussions with friends about stuff that matters.
Is our culture failing us or has this been a plague on mankind since the beginning?

It's taboo if you don't talk about it and it's taboo if you do. 

Yep, I am talking about sex.

We let it control us when we experience it too much. We let it control us when we try to avoid experiencing it. All the while, we wonder who we can REALLY talk to about it without judgment. Who has our best interest at heart?

In only a week I have had multiple conversations about sex with middle aged adults, college students and high school youth. From my filter I heard each of them saying the same thing:

"I wish someone would have told me how my sexual choices informed my behaviors for the rest of my life." 
Joel and Me when we became engaged 2010

And my response is, "Yeah, me too."

Now that the youth I have ministered along side are coming of age, I am hearing more and more about their sexual experiences. They, just like adults, are overloaded with information about how to prevent disease, how to prevent pregnancy, how to prevent meaning...unfortunately none of those things are 100% effective.

No matter if you have never been kissed or slept with a two dozen people, it is time to all claim the reality that has become the elephant in the room: sex matters.
Joel playing a game called "Make people think Claire is pregnant"

The choices you make sexually today are going inform how you have sex in the future. I am not just talking about old partners haunting you. I am not talking about comparisons or memories or lingering diseases. 

I am talking about the way you learn to have sex.The way you think about sex. The way you think about YOU having sex.

You know, those behaviors you teach yourself or are taught? The emotional state you received this information in, the situation, the person, the age you were... there are so many variables and so many pieces to this puzzle that create the sexual creature you are today. 

Whatever you do sexually is something you have chosen. It is something you have told yourself is OK according to your standards or it is something that you decided violated your personal values. No matter how you believe sexuality should be viewed, experienced or preserved, it is time to stop denying that all of those choices inform how you have sex now. 
Joel and me kissing in a National Park in Chile

This is just the tip of the sexual iceberg when it comes to the powerful mental, emotional and spiritual involvement it has in your choices. Your whole being is part of the decisions you make sexually. 

So if you are 17 and cheat on your first serious girlfriend, you have chosen that. This will inform your sexual choices all your life. This too can become a behavior...behaviors melt into patterns...patterns inform identity...identity informs purpose...
Joel and me at Tent Rocks, NM


It doesn't matter if you are raging with hormones at 15 or lonely at 85, your sexual decisions inform your sexual behaviors which create your sexual patterns which begin to inform your identity and sense of purpose.

It takes a whole lot of maturity and awareness to change behavior. Warning: it is difficult to change behaviors. 

Why not create healthy ones in the first place? 

Sex matters.

*Joel suggested that I keep using photos to split up my writing in these posts so I tried to choose "sexy" pictures to go with this "quickie" topic. I hope you didn't get too overloaded with kissing photos today:)